Nov 13, 2012

Posted by in Front Page, Tips for Dirtbags

Tips for Dirtbags: Food

Tips for Dirtbags: Food

Adopting dismally low standards is the key to a life of luxury and true contentment. An example: Buddhist monks are known to have to beg the masses for a small, daily donation of rice, but who could argue that Buddhists aren’t clearly the happiest folks on earth? The same is true of dirtbags. All we need is enough nourishment to fuel an assault on a nearby peak or a full day of serious loitering.
In terms of sustenance: agreeable taste, quality, and texture are added bonuses but by no means necessary. The guide to culinary loot will now commence…

Restaurants
You know that cash you’ve been saving for the past three months – that eighty-five cents? Don’t bother wasting it on food. Food can be found for free. Instead, spend it on a 16 oz. can of King

Kobra and then head to the nearest restaurant to score a free meal. If you’re in a place like Yosemite (which you likely are), it’s time to make your way to the Yosemite Lodge. Sneak your way past the DNC employees to where the paying customers consume and then just sit there observing your environment. Enough food gets wasted in places like that to feed a thousand Ethiopias, so take advantage of the bounty for all of those in need. Harassment works well. Pester the restaurant patrons until they give up their remaining meal, or alternatively, intercept them at the trash bins and offer to “take care of that” for them. You’ll never go hungry.

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A tactic commonly used by bums and

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Don’t waste another dollar! Start eating other people’s trash now and fuel the granite crag assaults and the Buddha-like bliss you so desire, where hunger pains are meditations away and failed muscles are as common as polar bears in the Amazon.

 

 

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