7 Best Combined Sports
The age of exploration has ended. Beardy men in wool knickers no longer have new corners of the globe to “discover.” We are officially running out of new things to do outside. But this is America dammit, and we refuse to let go of our pioneering spirit. In order to find new challenges to conquer we have no choice but to combine two previously-existing sports in a way that makes them both more difficult. Are these combo sports the new frontier of outdoor exploration or just twice as ridiculous? You decide.
Ever thought it would be awesome to make balancing on one foot even harder? Yoga classes are now offered on stand-up paddleboards! Relax and breathe deeply while you try not to think about sharks. Students anchor their boards to a buoy in order to avoid floating away during Downward Dog. Trying not to fall into freezing cold water is really great for your core. New poses include Awkward Turtle and Flailing-in-Water. OM.
Do you want to help save the planet but find tree planting unmanly? Bow fishing might be for you. It combines combating environmental degradation with weapons, beer, and vengeance. The silver carp is destroying ecosystems in the Mississippi delta. It also jumps over 6 feet out of the water when disturbed -most fun invasive species ever! Grab your jet boat and crossbow and shoot those suckers out of the air like you’re in a video game. Other possible weapons include swords, baseball bats, and maces. Extra points if you can kill fish while waterskiing.
Cross country ski racing with rifles! Okay, this one is pretty legit. It’s actually an Olympic sport, and has practical applications if you’re into backcountry winter moose hunting or find yourself trying to escape from a Siberian POW camp. While racing, you have to stop at intervals to fire at targets. If you miss, time is added to your score. Biathlon racers have to learn to quickly slow their heart rate in order to keep the rifle from shaking. Kinda badass.
Watch the hipsters crash! Yay! Horses are so last week. This game is played while riding fixed gear bikes on hard concrete. Bicycle polo was invented in Ireland in 1891 but didn’t catch on in America until the mid 90’s. Wonder why… Points are scored by hitting the ball across the opposing team’s goal line. Teams are generally made up of only 3 players, either because the court is so small, or because they can’t find anyone else to play. Warning: ironic mustaches are part of the team uniform.
Don’t you just want to shoot people who can afford to go skiing in the Alps? Now you can! It’s just like regular paint ball except you, and everyone else, are rocketing downhill. It’s also super cold so getting shot hurts even more! The altitude might cause your brain to swell a little, but that’s no biggie compared to all the paint you’ll get on your $600 soft shell jacket. If it makes you feel better you can pretend you’re in that James Bond ski chase scene- it was probably less expensive than this vacation.
Ever come across a 40 foot waterfall during a long, arduous hike and wish you could hurl yourself off it in an inflatable tube? Pack rafts fold up small enough to be carried into remote places where medical help is far, far away. Unfortunately, after the time it takes to hike the 20 miles to the river and inflate your raft, you’ll probably only have about an hour of daylight left.
What’s a kayaker to do when all the rivers are frozen? No problem , snow is just water in its solid state! “How is this different than sledding?” you might ask. Well, for one thing you don’t have the ability to bail out if things go awry- you just continue tumbling down the slope attached to a 30 pound plastic boat. Awesome. You also have a paddle so that you can “steer”. Now you just need to figure out how to get your boat on the ski-lift.
James Bond ski chase scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaEU_A405zA