Jan 17, 2013

Posted by in GTFO!

Urban Dictionary: Outdoors Edition

Urban Dictionary: Outdoors Edition

Since 1999, Urban Dictionary has entertained web users with alternative (and often crass) definitions for everyday words and phrases. By last count, the site featured more than 6.7 million humorous descriptions, many of them user-generated. Here are some entries pertaining to outdoor activities that we’d like to see included in the UD someday.

The act of throwing an unused blue bag at a fellow backcountry hikers face, thereby covering their face in cyan-colored goop. Only recommended on the last day of travel, and ‘unused’ is stressed.

Bear Grylls
Television actor best known for playing a solo adventurer.

Bare Attack
The act of alerting the other members of your hiking party that you’ve just spotted a bear, then mooning them when they look in your general direction.

Camel Lounge
A Camelbak container that (unknown to the owner) contains small traces of vodka, gin or other clear liquor; the unsuspecting owner will become increasingly intoxicated without realizing it, and hilarity will likely ensue.

The act of hurling a pine cone at the back of a male hiker’s head as he relieves himself. One point if it hits him, two points if he falls over, three points if he pees on himself.

Death March
Hiking while hungover or still intoxicated from the previous night.

Highway Jerky
A deer, elk or other edible forest creature unlucky enough to cross paths with an oncoming car or truck.

Meat Smuggling
The act of hiding raw animal products in a friend’s backpack prior to hiking a trail frequented by dog-walkers.

Messy Nessie
An inebriated skinny dipper who attempts to hide from onlookers by quickly submerging him/herself beneath the surface of the water, thereby exposing his/her buttocks and making the situation that much funnier.

Meth Sentence
A nonsensical phrase, repeated over and over, intended to further confuse methamphetamine-addled individuals you may encounter during a routine hike. For example: “The school bus ate all my sandwiches” or “Do you have change for a goldfish?”

Faux facial hair created by removing a strip of moss and placing it between the nose and mouth; held in place by pursing the lips. Sap may be used to adhere it to the skin.

Mountain House
Overpriced MRE.

Outdoor Rave
Literally the worst idea ever.

The act of throwing small stones at a tent where sexual activity is taking place. May be accompanied by animal calls.

Sasquatch Hug
This questionably affectionate gesture occurs when someone returns home from a multi-day outdoor excursion and immediately embraces their spouse or domestic partner, who has bathed and groomed during his/her loved one’s absence.

Are there any entries we may have missed? We’re open to suggestions.