Hiker Trash Conversations

Real conversations of Hiker Trash.

Boyfriend: “I’m going to go hop in the shower.”

Me: “Nooooo.”

Boyfriend: “Yes. I’m gross.”

Me: “I’m gross and I’m not showering.”

Boyfriend: “You never shower.”

Me: “Babe, I’m like a cast iron pan. It just gets better. I can’t use soap I’m poreous.”

Boyfriend leaves the room.

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Boyfriend: “I know you don’t want a birthday present, but what if I got you something to organize your maps in, you know like an adult?

Me: “……”

Boyfriend: “You keep them in a garbage bag.”

Me: “It’s an adult garbage bag. It clearly says, WARNING: TO AVOID DANGER OF SUFFOCATION KEEP THIS BAG AWAY FROM BABIES AND CHILDREN.”

Boyfriend: “……”

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I was on the side of the trail eating a premade packaged white bread sandwich that sticks to the top of your mouth. To avoid choking and dieing I took a packet of mayonaise and was liberally smiring it with my dirt encrusted finger over each individual bite.

Me: “You guys, back home this would be gross, but out here it’s totally cool.”

My buddy: “No it’s still gross.”

After that I got the name nickname Mogely.

As in the main character of The Jungle Book.

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Me facetiming my Dad under a bridge with a bunch of other thru hikers.

Me: “Hey Dad! I made it to the bridge, and I found a random cooler of budweiser under here, I grabbed one it’s amazing.”

I throw the camera around for my Dad to see all the other sweaty beardy thru hikers sitting around on their packs drinking.

Dad: “That looks like a homeless camp.”

Me: “Yeah it basically is.”

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I was standing on the side of the road in Warner Springs attempting to hitch hike to San Diego. A car stopped offering me a ride. I gratefully accepted. I smelt terrible. I hadn’t showered in 5 or 6 days and had been hiking 8-10 hours everyday in the desert. I opened the car door.

Me: “Thank you so much! I smell really bad, just so you know.”

Driver: Oh it’s okay, I’m a PCT hiker I totally get, it’s not a thing.”

I sit down and put my seat belt on.

Driver looked stunned.

“Oh yup, okay we’ll just unroll these windows a little…”

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