Real conversations of Hiker Trash.
Boyfriend: “I’m going to go hop in the shower.”
Boyfriend: “Yes. I’m gross.”
Me: “I’m gross and I’m not showering.”
Boyfriend: “You never shower.”
Me: “Babe, I’m like a cast iron pan. It just gets better. I can’t use soap I’m poreous.”
Boyfriend leaves the room.
Boyfriend: “I know you don’t want a birthday present, but what if I got you something to organize your maps in, you know like an adult?
Boyfriend: “You keep them in a garbage bag.”
Me: “It’s an adult garbage bag. It clearly says, WARNING: TO AVOID DANGER OF SUFFOCATION KEEP THIS BAG AWAY FROM BABIES AND CHILDREN.”
I was on the side of the trail eating a premade packaged white bread sandwich that sticks to the top of your mouth. To avoid choking and dieing I took a packet of mayonaise and was liberally smiring it with my dirt encrusted finger over each individual bite.
Me: “You guys, back home this would be gross, but out here it’s totally cool.”
My buddy: “No it’s still gross.”
After that I got the name nickname Mogely.
As in the main character of The Jungle Book.
Me facetiming my Dad under a bridge with a bunch of other thru hikers.
Me: “Hey Dad! I made it to the bridge, and I found a random cooler of budweiser under here, I grabbed one it’s amazing.”
I throw the camera around for my Dad to see all the other sweaty beardy thru hikers sitting around on their packs drinking.
Dad: “That looks like a homeless camp.”
Me: “Yeah it basically is.”
I was standing on the side of the road in Warner Springs attempting to hitch hike to San Diego. A car stopped offering me a ride. I gratefully accepted. I smelt terrible. I hadn’t showered in 5 or 6 days and had been hiking 8-10 hours everyday in the desert. I opened the car door.
Me: “Thank you so much! I smell really bad, just so you know.”
Driver: Oh it’s okay, I’m a PCT hiker I totally get, it’s not a thing.”
I sit down and put my seat belt on.
Driver looked stunned.
“Oh yup, okay we’ll just unroll these windows a little…”